"Was this sent from God?"
Upon leaving study on Wednesday Wayne calls and very angrily expresses his tire has gone flat... I can hear the frustration and his pain 230.00 for a tire and hes struggling:( I express to him, I'm sorry... etc, etc be supportive and ask what he needs. He says a quarter to get some air I'm by your house is there a quarter there? I said yes... call if you need me! Normally I would have ran to his service... Not today??? HMMM... I bought the books and we walked outside. My dear loving friend Jessica stood outside sick with me and ministered to me and prayed over me for an hour, Thank you soooo much... I CANNOT begin to explain how quickly the devil began to work. immediately leaving the group... the call, and my instant thoughts of work and inadequacy. My ONLY plan, my ONLY focus was to get home and read, to read and embrace my self, and my alone time. Jenna had me scared to death lol. All I kept doing was questioning... Are you the devil? Did the devil send you? Were you sent to distract me? Are these thoughts the devil.... O Geeee I was freaking out!!! As I was saying though I hadn't made it to the stop light on Oakwood and Owen K and I had already convinced myself I needed to go to Walmart for something. I talked my self out of it, I said "O, no devil, you are to smart, not today" shopping... a HUGE weakness. How was I able to see this this time? I smiled, with such pride almost a smirk, I had defeat him! There was this amazing peace and and sense of control that came over me, like I was actually driving my car... I actually determined for the first time where I was headed. I know, how odd to say, or even grasp. Your probably wondering... Really??? Yes, really. Ten years of driving and all those times I heard, do this, you need this, such n such this... you mean God that wasn't me? Just simple lil ol' me just talking or reminding? That was actually the enemy??? WOW...
So I kept driving scared, man I was scared, I guess not soooo much scared but super alert (those who know me, Jess lol... alert and driving don't happen. LOL. Anyways, more thoughts began to come and I treated each one equally I actually debated every thought that entered my mind. I actually MADE a decision about EVERY thought that came to me. So I should go to Starbucks and read... No!!!!!!!!!! AlONE. Ok, doooot da doooo driving along, but I would really like some Starbucks:) ok, ok. JUST the drive threw. Get it and go. So I'm ordering Wayne would prob like some Starbucks he just had a rough time:) WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this the devil???? Is he using my servant heart against me? Is he using my giving nature to separate me from God??? IDK? I avoided this one, I called Wayne and took his order:) I took over his Coffee and I said "15 minutes, 15 minutes that's all. To spend with your son!" see I justified taking him coffee by, the goodness of helping, the thought that that's what a christian does and that I hadn't seen my son all day because it was Wayne's day. Was this right, wrong... IDK? It made me feel good... I saw my son he filled my heart with joy and I left. As I was leaving I got a text from Wayne, A sweet text but a text saying "I already miss you, come back" ????? O No. No way!!!!!!!! I HAVE GOT TO GET HOME, that eery feeling came back the devil was lurking on me.
Needless to say I finally got home and a series of more lil things happened, laundry cleaning... me saying just do a little then you can read... Texts from friends 3 to be exact all men (and I'm single) so I again was like NO!!! Then a text from my dear friend, I have missed him hes been out of town... hes on his way home:) "I am kinda busy right now, but drive safe love. Hope your day was influential"
I amazed myself... No wait I wanted to see him? I have been waiting... ???? So confused... Yet so sure NOT tonight, Im not sure if the devil was using him:( now this person IS BY NO MEANS THE DEVIL, or not of God actually the complete opposite BUT I didnt trust the devil today...
I know i rambled and why share ALL this very normal and so obsolete stuff... Its life, this happens every second of every day!!!
"Was this sent from God?"
thank you so much for such an honest and practical application of what you are learning. we did talk about taking "every" thought captive. i didn't even realize how that does mean literally "every thought," until seeing it through your eyes in this post. love the picture and quote at the top too.
ReplyDeletesince i am the one who "scared you to death about satan" i wanted to make sure to tell you, something you already know, but just remind you that we don't need to fear him, but always be aware of him. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8...that's exactly what you were (self-controlled and alert.)
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