My Lesson

Hello ladies! I have been wanting to share this story with you, but I'm terrible at speaking in front of others and much better at writing what I have to say. So, here goes!

I have been dealing with depression this year. I have a lot of anger, guilt, and sadness that has built up over the years. I have refused to deal with it before now. This year started out being one of the best of my life. I met a man through my friend and we started dating. It wasn't long before I was sure he was The One. We seemed to be a perfect match for each other and everyone around us thought so too. In mid-June, things started to go downhill quickly. My grandfather got very sick. He fought for 2 long weeks, but passed away on July 1. By the end of July, I had decided to at least take a break from grad school and get a second job. In the middle of August, out of nowhere, my boyfriend broke up with me. Of these three things, I have struggled with the loss of the relationship more than anything. I am ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth.

When I read the first chapter of this book, it didn't really grab me. I started to journal about what I had read (this is where writing works best for me), and the light bulb started to come on. I first started to realize that my boyfriend had been filling my need for security (he was paying for everything and he's 6'3", 250#). Then I realized that he was filling my need for belonging. Somehow through the course of our relationship, we were only hanging out with his friends and coworkers. Now that our relationship is over, all of the friends I had been seeing every weekend since February are not really there for me anymore. And finally I realized my significance came from being his girlfriend. People we saw every weekend may not have known my name, but they knew I was his girlfriend. Even my family, friends, and coworkers would ask about how we were doing before they asked about me. That brought me so much peace!

I have also started to understand that we try to get these needs filled by people all of the time instead of turning to God for it. Most of the anger, guilt, and sadness I was feeling before stems from one of these needs not being met by a person. I just felt like I really needed to share this with y'all! Have a good week!